Let's start a few weeks before I actually had him. Life was crazy, we were in the middle of a kitchen remodel and redoing the floor through the whole main level of the house. Sadie had her dance recital coming up a week after my due date and Father's Day was the day after. I prayed so hard this baby would come either early or late. One day while working on the house my dad made a comment about what day was coming up. June 21. Up until him saying something it didn't click with me about that date. Back in May, I thought about May 21, as it was my brother’s birthday. The person who this baby was going to be named after boy or girl. June 21 was the anniversary of his passing. How did I forget that? Once my dad told me about that, I prayed hard this baby would come on that day. It was past everything we needed done, Sadie's dance recital and Father's Day and most major things in the house minus the flooring in the living room and our bedroom. We were going to set up for the weekend of Sadie's dance to have the rest of the flooring done, but something in my gut said don't do it. My dad left one night and I got choked up. I hated waiting on me to do the floor but at the same time I wanted my house at least some what normal to have this baby as I was having a home birth for the first time.
Sadie's dance recital came and went. We celebrated Father's Day that Saturday as well as we were already all together. After her recital we relaxed and I just took a big sigh of relief. I didn't want to miss my girls dance recital! Saturday night I went to bed wondering when this baby was going to come. Sunday was exactly 1 week past my due date. I knew I would go late as all but Sadie came late in my previous pregnancies. Sawyer was almost a week late, Madison was a week late and neither of them had signs of coming and I was induced so I never knew when my body would have gone into labor on its own nor did I know how it felt to go into labor on my own. Even with Sadie, I had back pain (back labor!) and Jake forced me in, but then I was later induced because my body stopped at a 7 cm.
At midnight on the dot June 20, 2021 I woke up out of a dead sleep with pretty painful cramps. I went to the bathroom and sure enough I had lost a lot of my mucus plug, which until then I hadn't lost any. I texted my midwife, and got in a hot bath. I text my videographer as well. She lives in the UP and had stayed an extra day to see if I went into labor and when I texted her she had just gotten home and there was no way she could turn around and drive all the way back. ( Go figure just my luck, I knew it would happen when I hired her but I had hope that JUST maybe it would work). My midwife told me to try and rest and get sleep and just text her with updates as when things would get more close together. I went and laid on the couch and got as much sleep as possible.
We went on with our day, and my father in law came over helped us install our counter tops while I just sat around and did what I could. At this point my contractions were about 5ish minutes apart. They weren't very painful yet but definitely not comfortable. My best friend was going to be taking the kids for us while I was in labor so they weren't at home just incase it was during the day but she was north with her family visiting her dad for fathers day. I told her not to rush home that nothing was too bad and if it was she'd still have time to get back when I texted.
As the day continued I lost more and more plug, and contractions were getting little stronger and a little closer together. I pulled up the videos my midwives told me to watch before going into labor. It talked about how you would hit a point where you wondered why you were doing this. Why you weren't doing this in a hospital with pain meds to get you through. And that was the exact things going through my head at that point. I had gone all natural with Madison but not totally planned so I knew I could do it again but this time it was my choice. I also remember listening to a podcast of someone who had an birth at home because things went so fast and she saw herself in the mirror and didn't recognize herself, and that's when she knew she was in the transition period of birth. At that point and I went and looked in the mirror and realized I was at that point as well. Thankfully my friend said she was on her way because I was to the point I didn't want the kids even talking to me! talk about mom guilt but I needed to focus on each contraction and they had no clue was going on.
Finally about 8 pm I was sitting on a birthing ball and Jake said Emily and Jon are here, I'll help them get the kids in the car and I'll be back. Emily came back in quick to talk to me and could tell I wasn't in the best shape but wanted to say good luck and to say she was praying for me.
That was the point with the contraction I was having while talking to her, that I knew it wasn't going to be too much longer. I need to just focus on the contraction and breathe through it and mentally talk myself through it. I kept telling myself this is what my body was made for. My body carried this baby for 9 long months and on its own went into labor knowing that it was the perfect time for the baby to come out. It knew how long to prep my body to work up to those more painful contractions. I texted my mom and sister that they might want to come over as well as I wasn't sure how much longer it would be until the baby was here. Once my mom and sister got there I was to a point I wasn't talking a lot if at all. I was siting on a ball still and Jake asked me a few times if I wanted the pool blown up. I kept pushing it off and finally he just set it up himself.
Once it was fully filled up I slid into the pool. It was honestly so relaxing. It might not have looked like it on my face I'm sure but it was the most relief I felt in a few hours. I honestly don't remember a ton of what was going on around me when I was in the point I was in. I remember my sister and mom being worried about the midwife not coming in time. The last time I had texted her was around 9:30, and she said to text her again when there was a shift of intensity or if I felt like I needed anything. My water had never broke yet so I figure it would still be a little bit and I was okay to keep going the way I was going. A lot of the pain took me back to Madison. the fast sharp shooting pain from her moving down so fast but this time it was also in my back and tail bone. I remember my mom and sister shutting the tv off in the background and starting to ask again about the midwife and who had her number to call. My contractions felt so close together that I couldn't really talk much, all I could do was focus on was trying to get through each contraction as they came, what felt like back to back to back. I just laid in the birthing tub and laid my head back and closed my eyes. I motioned to my phone for the number. Jake finally took my phone and called my midwife telling her it was him and that my contractions were pretty intense and close together and it was time for them to come. At this point I knew this baby was coming close.
Shortly after my water broke everything turned again and this is where I knew my body was in control and knew exactly what to do and how to do it. I was starting to push baby out but the break between contractions were getting longer and longer again. I was able to relax and breathe better and get prepped for the next contraction and give a big push. I could tell it was the same as Madison that he was coming fast. It's funny how you're so used to your hospital births, and you ask them to help pull baby's head just a little and they tell you no you've got this you need to do it yourself. So I continued to push. After a few more minutes of pushing they had me stand up in the tub and use gravity to help get baby out. So sure enough it helped. After one last push there he came. And into the water! 😂 Yup! You heard that right, he fell right into the water! The midwife scooped him up helped me sit back down and put baby back on my chest. He was crying really good at this point and I finally looked at Jake and asked what baby was. He looked at me with a big smile and said it's a boy!
June 21, 2021 at 12:08 am Thomas Allan Brower came into the world weighing 9 lbs 6 oz and was 21 inches long. He was the perfect amount of chunk and sweetness. When he was laid on my chest I knew it right then in that moment it was always him that was meant to complete our family. Any other questions and doubts I had before then were gone. I honestly doubted some times having a 5th baby. I knew it was what we always said was that we wanted five kids but I was also sort of set on Madison being the baby of the family, but that moment Tommy was laid on my chest I just knew. He was hand picked for us. God had a plan from the beginning. He had a plan 7 years prior when he said trust me with your family plans. I promise you even through the heart ache there will be something coming that will be worth it all. If I would have never miscarried back in 2014, I would have never had Tommy on June 21,2021. I would have never had my baby boy who was named after my brother who passed away on the same day years prior.
The closer the due date came, May 21 came and I thought maybe one time I'll go early and it'll be on my brothers birthday. Wow! Wouldn't that be something special. May 21 came and went and no baby. Then June came and we were still working on our kitchen and my dad made a comment to me if I knew what date was coming up and I joked and said yeah my due date. He looked at me and said no, June 21. wouldn't that be something if baby was born on the anniversary date of Tommy passing? I couldn't believe I never even thought about it! I knew my due date was around my papas birthday, and week before Sadie's dance recital and I just wanted to get through that, I didn't think about the days after my due date! Then that was all I could think of. How would it be if my baby who was going to be named after my brother, be born on the anniversary.
When I was told it was after midnight, meaning it was the 21st of June I couldn't help but smile. Yes it was a day of grieving. Grieving my brother, the life he had and should have had. Not knowing him and missing my big brother I so wish I had in my life daily. But it was a day of celebration and thankfulness. Tommy was hand picked by Tommy.
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