Infertility might have an awareness week, but for those who are going through, or have gone through infertility it isn't just a week. It's a phase of life. Something that changes you as a person and your perspective on life.
Everyone that is going through infertility or has gone through it are in difference phases of the process and I want to write to each one of them.
To the women:
To the girl who has tried to get pregnant for a few months and you're wondering if you're going to be in the 1 of 8 group with infertility. You wonder ever single month if it is going to be your turn to finally see a positive pregnancy test. I see you. I've been there. Each month is the same you struggle when you only see 1 pink line telling you yet again that it's not your time to be a mom yet. One day you will hold that baby in your arms and you'll know exactly why each month you got a negative test for so long. You'll realize that all the pain and waiting was for that moment you are going to experience that is like none other. I know some day you will have the answers to why and it will be that little son or daughter you get to see grow up and know that is why God had you wait until then.
To the women who just lost her baby. Who it took over a year to get pregnant with that baby after you had so many negative tests you finally got a positive one but now God is calling that baby home before you even get to meet him or her. I see you. I know the pain and confusion. The wondering if your baby was a boy or a girl, what they would have looked like and what their personality would be like. One day you will meet and hold that baby. Until then you will forever have a guardian angel watching over you through the rest of your life. You will have a baby to tell your other babies all about. You will blame yourself that you might have done something wrong causing your body to terminate this pregnancy without even letting you have a choice if you want it to or not. You will sit and wonder if you ate all the right things or if you drank too much caffeine, or took a wrong medicine just once that took this baby from you forever. Trust me I ran all of those thoughts through my head even now almost 5 years ago. (WOW! I haven't really ever said how long it has been out loud before I cannot believe it's been almost 5 years since we lost our first baby!) But I do know this, that baby was put in your life for a reason. You carried them for a very short period of time, but that still makes you a mom. Even if your baby has wings up in heaven, that baby still made you a mom. That baby wouldn't have been able to survive outside the womb and it's better that the baby took their wings now than later and endured all the pain the might have if they were carried for longer. Your body wanted to be pregnant. that is why you got pregnant in the first place. You are not a failure and neither is your body. Even if you don't get pregnant again on your own, your body did good work and can get pregnant. You will get pregnant again.
To the women who is just starting her fertility treatment. It will be scary, it will be exciting, sad, nerve wracking, and every other emotion under the sun. Whether you're going through IUI or IVF. If it's your first round, or your 3rd, each will be the same but different. You will experience things that you'll never experience again. It will be expensive but most likely it will be worth it. The shots, the ultrasounds, the waiting everything will eventually make sense. You might have a lot of questions but that is okay you're not alone in this. No question is a stupid question. No emotion is stupid. Everything you're feeling is real and true. There are so many different things that could happen just remember each day may bring something new. Even if the ultrasound tech at your regular Dr. tells you there's no baby in the sac and its empty. The next day might bring you a perfect ultrasound picture of a 6 week tiny baby. Again you might feel alone, especially when the treatment might fail but you're not.
To the men:
To the husband who's wife is crying in the bathroom again another month after not getting pregnant again. I can't relate 100% just because I'm not a man, but I do know some because of watching my husband through all our troubles. Hug her and hold her even when she doesn't seem like she deserves one. Those bad days might not be because of work, but just simply because she thinks and believes she's letting you down by not being able to get pregnant with your baby. Let her know that you are hurt every month too when you see her hurt. Let her know that you're always there for her even when you're quite because you're trying to figure out all your emotions. It's okay to show your wife your soft side.
To the dad who just lost his baby. You just had a loss too. Don't let people tell you any different. Just because it wasn't your body that was carrying the baby doesn't mean it wasn't your baby too. Let your wife know you're hurting and talk about it together. Trying to stuff your pain of the loss aside will only make it harder to deal with and hinder your relationship. You are a team and a family, and you need to venture through this part of life together more than you realize. She is the only other person that knows the pain you're going through. You'd be surprised what would happen if you just opened up to your wife.
To the man who started fertility treatments with his wife. This is a journey and it can be a roller coaster journey. Be there for you wife and hold her hand through it all. She will be looking to you for comfort and reassurance that everything is okay. This might be your first round, or it might be your last ditch effort of IVF one last time, just remember it is well. It is well and it is God's plan for you no matter the out come. If you have questions or concerns don't hesitate to ask them to your wife or the Dr. If the treatment comes out positive you will know that this baby was the one that was meant to be after everything you have been through. If it fails, that's when God has picked a different baby for you and that he is equipping you for the trails ahead through what you are going through now.
I hope that every single person who reads this knows that no matter if it is Infertility Awareness Week or not, you are not alone and there is always something you can talk to and turn to. This is all a journey, but it is not the end of the journey it is just the beginning. As that may sound very scary to most, it will make you stronger in the end. Don't be afraid to share your story, as you don't know what the person who is reading or hearing your story might be going through and might need to hear everything you have to say. They might be at the start of even trying for their first baby and don't even realize that the road ahead of them is going to be rocky and bump and that they need to hang out to God's faithfulness more than they have had to before. Sharing your story isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength.
Dear Father in Heaven,
I pray for each person who is reading this. I pray that they are touched in some way to either share their story, or realize that their story isn't the only story that is going this way. I pray that prayers for babies are answered if its through fertility treatments, or adoptions. Everything is in you hands and you already know the out come for each person out there. As hard as it is to always know your plan and trust I pray that every person reading this that is going through fertility in some shape or form feels peace and knows that some day soon they will have a baby in their arms in some way. We love you. In Jesus' Name,
Amen
Brittany
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