2 years ago on February 18, 2017 Jake, Sawyer and I had gone on a walk around our neighborhood, as it was a very warm February in Michigan. Once we got home we put Sawyer to bed, and then we went to bed ourselves. I was complaining of lower back pain, but that wasn't anything new especially with this being my second pregnancy. Jake asked if I was in labor multiply times. I swore I wasn't but Jake started to time my wincing every time my back would spasm. Again I was confident I wasn't in labor because I wasn't having any sort of front contractions. Well after about a half hour Jake said that's it, were going to the hospital, you're in labor. Sure enough he was right! Still not sure how that it's possible that my husband knew I was in labor before I knew! After 18 hours of labor (at the hospital) our little Sadie was finally in my arms. I can still remember that night/day like it was yesterday.
After Sadie was born I had a hard time "bonding" with her as a baby. That's not to say I didn't love her, she was everything I ever wanted. It was the anxiety of a new mom of 2 now, how Sawyer would react to having a baby in the house, and the feeling I had after our miscarriage was coming back. Sadie had the cord wrapped around her neck twice when she was born. My body had stopped labor when I was 7 cm along. They said I could go home and wait for my body to start labor again, or they could induce me. Well already being set up in my room of course I wanted to just stay and get induced, and to this day I'm so thankful that's what we did because I'm not sure what would have happened if we would have went home. I pushed my feelings of attachment away from her for awhile because I was so scared of losing her. Even though we were out of the woods of anything I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that there was a great possibility that she might not have been in my arms. It took awhile to finally feel like I was 100% with her and that nothing was going to happen, and that nothing did happen thankfully.
Sadie's first year of life went by very very quickly. It feels like in just a blink of an eye she was turning 1. As if her first year didn't go fast enough, her 2nd went even faster! She is our late bloomer, walked late, got teeth late, and still isn't fully talking yet. Even with all of that she is still very spunky and sassy and full of love and energy. She is such a lover but yet she'll let you have it if you make her mad, even in her own little language.
Watching Sadie grow into the little lady that she is has been such a privilege. I'm so thankful God blessed me to be her momma! She is full of life and teaches me everyday what its like to live. Looking back on the day that she was born and how I was scared and pushed her away emotionally I cannot believe I did. I still feel guilty for doing it, but that's also what the wonderful thing called hormones does to you. When we miscarried I made a quilt because I knew for sure I was going to have a girl first, well I was totally wrong. Then I had Sadie, and at first I thought to myself, all I thought about having a girl is nothing like what I thought. But then I pulled that quilt back out of the closet some months after she was born and I looked and it and cried. I realized I made this for my baby girl who I wasn't sure if God was ever going to give me, and if he was when she'd come into my life. That's when I realized everything I wanted for so long of having a daughter was right there in front of me, and I was letting the time go by without soaking every second of it in.
For those of you who don't know Sadie, she is Moana obsessed to say the least. When I bought her, her first Moana shirt at target she carried it around like a blanket all day and the next until I told her she could finally wear it. She comes running when she hears a song of Moana. She can't say much but when you see her face light up you know how much she really loves the movie. These are the type of things I've longed for having a little girl. The days of princesses and Disney movies. When it came time to start planning her birthday party I just knew we had to do Moana.
I'm the mom that loves to go all out for birthday parties. I don't go so crazy that I break the bank, but I do more than just some balloons and character plates. For me this is a way for me to show my love for them. I love to make things extra special espeically birthdays and important milestones for people. Most of all I love the memories I get to make with the people I do all this for and for them to feel my love through all I do. If you're the mom that just does balloons and plates, then you go momma, and enjoy every second of that and all the memories you make with that! If you're the mom that goes above and beyond and rents out a bouncy house and has princesses show up at the party, then you go momma and enjoy every single second and memory you make with that party! I make a lot of my decorations to save the money but yet make it special. I'm also very blessed to have a mom is an amazing baker and cake decorator, and blesses us with cakes for all our kids parties, and loves to get just as creative as me and loves a challenge!
A big way I did Sadie's party to Moana, without going way overboard, but still having a lot of "Moana" was I incorporated the food to Moana. We did chicken salad sandwiches on croissants and I used picks, and put peal n' stick googly eyes to look like the crab. Then I did a wall of steamers to look like seaweed. I normally just got to the dollar stores for balloons and streamers, table covers, and even sometimes the silverware. Again, this may be over the top for some, or not enough for others but for me it was perfect. To see Sadie's reaction to all the decorations and her cake it was all worth it.
Dear Lord,
Today I pray for Sadie. For her 2 years of life and all the joy she brings to myself and everyone around her. I pray for her to grow in you daily and continue to be the light of every room she is in. I also pray for all parents who have either are trying to get pregnant, have lost a baby, or even lost a child. I pray for them as the new year has just started, and maybe they have already had the birthday or due date of that child pass, or maybe its still coming. I pray for those who have yet to conceive and its another month, or another year of negative tests for something they want to badly. I pray that you wrap those in your arms so tight tonight and let them know you have a plan for them, that you love them and that your plan is a perfect plan even if it doesn't always make sense to us. Amen.
xo,
Brittany
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